stop

I don't know when I stopped writing, I don't know why I stopped writing, I didn't even realize it, until I open the pages of my notebooks and suddenly realized, I was staring at blank empty pages. Those pages were supposed to be filled with thoughts, dreams, and ideas, but as I look at it, it was simply an empty notebook. Why have is stopped writing? Did my brain stop thinking? Did I forget how to dream? Or maybe, I simply have forgotten how it feels to live. To have dreams, share laughs, inventing ideas, to do something whatsoever, and forgot how to share it with the world. What have I done to myself? And as I write this, ......




I was speechless.

Maybe it was right.

I have forgotten how to write..
...to dream
...to be free
...to enjoy life




...I'm growing into an adult, into a robot, into something I'm not ready to be yet.


Ps: sorry if you're confused. I don't really know how to express this feeling better, I just feel so hopeless lately, like anything I do is useless and pointless. Hope you could help.

And sorry if this writing is just so 'messy', I wrote it on my handphone.

you made me love you...

i haven't posted anything for quite a long time now. what makes me suddenly feel the urge to write again?

it's love.

because love starts it all, and love ends it all.

i saw you. i saw her. i saw you with her, and i've seen you without her. the difference is so clear. i saw you as a living corpse, you seemed to lose all the need to live. to breath. to enjoy the world. then you found her and you found your happiness once more. you find a way to inspire me once more. with your words, your moves, your 'music', your ....life.

i saw her and i knew, or at least i thought i know, that she loves you as much as you love her. i knew that she cares about you as much as you care about her. i knew she thinks about you as much as you think about her.

she makes you happy. that's what matters most when you love someone isn't it? to see that person so happy and full of life, even if it means that you can't have that person. no matter how much you think you'll be such a perfect couple.

i've been trying to deny it, but i now understand that i can't stop it. i love you.

please don't break your heart again. you're to good for that.

ps: i need to stop wishing those 'good nights' are from me

(forget anything you have just read, they're not important. at least not anymore, not to you. just forget it. forget this post)

another p.s: LO. JANGAN. GEER. (you know who i mean)

Lovely Jakarta on TransJakarta...

hell yeah i'm back epribodeeehhhh!!!!

now, as you might have (or not) known, jakarta has a very brilliant public transportation which known as TransJakarta (or more widely and falsely known as busway)..

so today after school, nobody picked me up from my school which is so far - far away from my home, so i decided (this time with my mom's permit of course) to just go home with busway because taking a bajaj home is.. well.. i'd feel like a scrambled egg when i finally reach home for sure, so busway it is. Ol' lovely and reliable busway. and it's very cheap too, i only paid 3.500 to get from my school in front of lapangan banteng (you knoww.. where they do the proclamation thingy) to Giant Mampang (formerly Hero).

I got bored eventually from the long journey so i decided to take some pics with my BlackBerry.. so enjoy...

Lovely Jakarta on TransJakarta...

stairways to busway...

"buy the tickets first, dear..."

"mommy, wait for mee..."

crowded mampang...

taking a busway home...

(dipisah juga ga ngaruh -_-')

halte dukuh atas...

from far above...

busy day...

VENDING MACHINEE!!!

seeing 'green' Jakarta...

halte Tosari, with elevator!

shopper's paradise

bunderan HI...

our next stop...

fellow buswayy...

Sarinah's old charm...

the 10 a.m. traffic...

ancient beauty...

monas from the dashboard...

waiting in 'Harmony'...

empty bus...

almost hit...

voila! c'est tout!

credits to : me and my blackberry...

hope you like it, comments please :)

my dream house...

This will probably change as I grow up, but I had always wanted a house by the sea. It will be even nicer if it's my own private island.

It would be either 'mediterranean styled', or 'balinese styled'.

I would like my house to be one storey (or two at most) and not too big because bigger house are harder to maintain and it will prevent the inhabitants to socialize as freely. I want it to be the perfect size for my parents, future family, and me :)

I would want my house to have a huge and nice kitchen with a window facing the sea. I want it to be huge because I like to cook and I want it facing the sea so I can eat and enjoy the sea at the same time or even enjoying breakfast as the sun rises on the background.

I would want a private library in my house. I want it to be soundproof and expandable to keep my large growing collection of books. I would also want a hitech computer with hi speed internet access in the library.

I want the bedroom to be extremely cozy. It will have a canopy bed bigger than king size with a white canopy and the bed would also be very soft. There will also be a very beautiful painting in the room. The bed will be facing a double door that faces the sea so I can see the sea everytime I wake up. On thebedside table, there would be a simple glass vase with a fresh favourite flower of mine everyday.

The master bathroom would be semi-outdoor with a stone bathtub that matches the sink. There will also be a round and beautiful mirror above the sink. The floor will be natural stones and there will be shower in the bathroom. The bathroom has to be beautiful and it creates the feeling of being in your own safe and private forest that makes you feel like one of the 'bidadari' of the 'djaka tarub' folklore as you take a shower there.

Right outside the bedroom, there would be a nice patio with beautiful little hanging gardens and couple of comfy wooden chair to watch the sunset or enjoying a cup of coffee in the mornings.

The house would have to be very eco friendly. There would be solar panels to supply as much electricity as possible. The drainage system will be very improved, waste water should be filtered and reused to water the plants a.k.a a big and beautiful garden with little rope swing hanging from a tree in front of the house. There would also be 'apotek hidup' and edible plants such as potato, parsley, fruits etc. planted in the garden. The garden would only use the compost fertilizer composted from the organic waste from the house. It also have to has a very good air circulation system to minimize use of air conditioner.

I guess that's pretty much all.

The picture might not totally harmonize with other pictures, but trust me, the house in my head is extremely beautiful and cozy.

Help me realize it somehow somewhen, okay guys? :)





(Gapapalaaaah ngimpi sekali2 hehehe)

watdefak, freaky canada...

You: hey

Stranger: hi

Stranger: sup?

Stranger: from?

Stranger: age?

You: indonesia

You: you?

Stranger: canada

Stranger: are u muslim?

Stranger: WTF i dont like asian like u piss off madafucker

this conversation happened on omegle.com. what a freaky rasictic canadian -_______-

holey day

it's been so long since i last posted here.. 

hhh... 

kangen juga ama si blog, maap ya jadi dikacangin gara - gara udah ada twitter..

tadinya pengen nulis yang bener, tapi kayanya males juga, jadi i'm just gonna list some stuff that happened during the holiday until now

1. my computer broke down, TWICE, withe the same problem. The really weird thing is that non of the programs are responding except for google chrome. And the even weirder thing is i did nothing to the computer and suddenly this morning it was all fine and fixed.. weird -_-
2. i tried to bake some cakes during the holiday, the first cake (a cheesecake) taste good, frankly the oven was not good so the cake was burnt outside and not done on the inside. The second cake (what's-it's-name) was baked in a good oven, and the batter was perfect too. you might think this one should come out perfectly, but it didn't either. i baked it too fast and the inside was still very gooey :( i also made some pancakes which turns out perfect, but nobody want to try it either.. well, it's their loss then
3. I did some swimming. it was fun at first but after a while i got really bored and annoyed.
4. there's a farewell party this saturday and i already found the perfect dress and mask (it's a masquerade party). BUT I HAVEN'T FOUND THE SHOES YET!!! AAAAA!! PANIC!

shh..

it feels just yesterday we met



or maybe it really was










i don't know







but you feel so far away from me


but i miss you and i wanna see you one more time

to hear your voice

to touch you

to hug you




.... so i know that you are real













..shh..



don't make a sound, dear








..shh..

i know you're not really here





i'm okay with that